The First 30 Days at Boarding School: A Parent's Guide to Homesickness

The short answer: Homesickness in the first weeks of boarding school is normal and usually a sign of a loving home, not a wrong decision. As general guidance, it is often strongest in the first week or two and eases as routines and friendships form. Your calm, steady support, and trust in the school, help most.

Is homesickness at boarding school normal?

Yes. A clinical report from the American Academy of Pediatrics (Thurber and Walton, 2007) describes homesickness as very common among children spending time away from home. In studies of children at residential camps, most felt some homesickness, and a smaller group felt serious distress that needed extra support. So the question is not "Will they feel homesick?" but "How do we help them through it?"

What should parents do before day 1?

• Talk about homesickness openly. Tell your child it is normal to miss home, and that missing home and enjoying school can happen at the same time.
• Practise small separations. A night or two with grandparents or a relative helps a child learn that they can cope, and that you come back.
• Visit the campus together, so the first night feels less strange.
• Agree on how you will stay in touch, within the school's rules. Calls at Shivneri: ask us for the current call timings for new boarders when you visit, and agree a time with your child before day 1.
• Never make a "pick-up deal". The AAP report advises parents not to promise to bring a child home if they feel homesick. It signals that you do not expect them to cope.

What happens in week 1?

New faces, new timings, new food. Many children are busy by day, then feel low at night or on the phone.

What you may notice:

• tearful or short calls,
• "I want to come home" in the first few days,
• complaints about food, the bed or the bathroom,
• tiredness from a new routine.

What helps now:

• Listen first, fix later. Say, "It sounds like today was hard. Tell me about it." Do not rush to solve every complaint.
• Keep your own voice calm. Children read our tone. If you cry on the call, they worry about you as well as themselves.
• Ask about small good things. "Who did you sit with at lunch?" "What was the best part of today?"
• Tell the school about specific problems, such as a lost item or a health concern.

How do weeks 2 and 3 usually feel?

Classes and activities settle into a pattern, and friendships (and small fallouts) begin. Some children who felt fine in week 1 feel homesick now, once the novelty wears off. This is also normal.

What helps now:

• Encourage one step outward. Joining a sport, a club or a study group gives your child a place to belong.
• Send something from home. A handwritten letter, in Marathi or English, can be read again at night. Ask the school what it allows for letters and parcels before you send anything.
• Do not over-call. More calls often mean more tears, not fewer. A predictable, agreed time is kinder than frequent unplanned calls.
• Notice the change in calls. When your child starts talking about friends, teachers and matches, homesickness is usually easing, even if they still say they miss you.

What changes by week 4?

By now most children have a rhythm: they know the timetable, have a few friends and know which adults to go to. Many still miss home before a visit or festival, but it no longer stops them sleeping, eating or taking part. This is a good time to ask the school how your child is settling.

What should parents not do in the first month?

• Do not make a "pick-up deal" or hint that coming home is an easy option.
• Do not compare your child with a cousin or friend who "settled in two days".
• Do not share your own sadness heavily on calls; share it with family and friends.
• Do not visit without notice or take your child home early without first speaking to the school.
• Do not treat every complaint as a crisis. A cold dal on Tuesday is not a reason to change schools.

When should you call the school?

Most homesickness eases with time. Call the school, and speak with your paediatrician if needed, if you notice any of these for more than a few days, or at any point if something feels seriously wrong:

• your child is not eating or sleeping properly,
• persistent stomach aches, headaches or illness with no clear cause,
• they refuse to go to class or join any activity,
• distress is getting worse, not better, after two or three weeks,
• they mention being teased, bullied or hurt,
• they talk about feeling hopeless or unsafe.

Asking for help early is the right step, not an overreaction. Who to call at Shivneri: the school office on +91 8208432877.

How does Shivneri support new boarders?

Shivneri School & Junior College is a CBSE co-educational boarding school, with day boarders too, in Khanapur, Taluka Junnar, Pune district. Shivneri Foundation was established in 2004 and the school opened in 2005. Today the school is home to 300 boarders, with a residential capacity of 500, among 500 students. Boys and girls live in separate hostels. The campus is about 75 km from Pune and 150 km from Mumbai.

How Shivneri supports new boarders:

• Boys and girls live in separate hostels, with dorm wardens.
• A counsellor visits every week.
• A 24/7 in-house infirmary with nurses.

What should my child pack for comfort?

A short checklist for the first month (check the school's Boarding Kit list first; see "What is the Boarding Kit?" on our Parent FAQs at /faqs/):

• A familiar pillow cover, bedsheet or small blanket from home
• A few family photos
• A small diary and pen for writing feelings or letters home
• Pre-addressed envelopes, if letters are allowed
• A favourite book or a small non-electronic game
• Name labels on every item
• A short note from you, to open on the first night